Big Brother 19 - A-Paul-ling

So, the finale for Big Brother 19 is coming up very soon - tomorrow night.  But do I care?  Nope.

(Well, okay, I care enough to write a blog entry on it...but other than that, I don't care.)

Truth be told, this is one of the seasons of Big Brother where I really don't give a toss about who takes home the half million dollars, as this whole season has been spoiled by the threat of temptation, the stupidity of the players, and the cult of Paul Abrahamian.

Yeah, that's right.  I said cult.  Because watching this whole season has been a complete train wreck from beginning to end.  One might say that it was the most appalling season to date.

Or, maybe I should say "A-Paul-ling".

This summer was all about the idea of temptation.  No, the houseguests didn't get to play the popular game of the same name from "The Price is Right" to win a brand new car (though that would have been more entertaining).  No, they had the chance to accept temptations that would give them rewards and consequences in hopes that it would cause them to get further ahead in the game.

The only problem was that A) the temptations were incredibly lame and only seemed to benefit one player over everyone else, and B) many of the later temptations were never used because the other houseguests were too busy drinking their cult leader's Kool-Aid to make a huge move.

As it stands, this is probably the weakest final three that Big Brother has ever had.  And keep in mind that we survived the Big Brother 9 couples from hell and Big Brother 15's race riots.  Big Brother 19 isn't as terrible as either of those seasons, but I guarantee you that I won't ever look fondly on this season.  From people throwing away their games to give someone else a chance to win to disgusting things said on the live feeds, this bunch of houseguests are certainly not going to be remembered in a positive light - though I think in this case, it was one player in particular who really spoiled things.  For everyone.

Now, at this time, I have no idea who is going to win Big Brother 19, and as I said, I don't care.  But I think I can probably predict who will take the whole thing.  So, for the cast profiles and why I don't really like the vast majority of them, I'll post a screenshot of their cast credit and explain why they were an asset or a disaster.

For what it's worth, even though he spent a grand total of like 14 hours in the Big Brother house, I consider Cameron to be an asset to this season.  The dude completely got screwed over in the game.  He was almost like a sacrificial lamb of sorts.  After all, had the temptation not been taken, Cameron would have lasted at least a week instead of one night.  If there was ever an argument for a season where they brought back the first one voted out from each season, Cameron would be it.  Tough break.

There are two arguments that you could make for the sole quitter of the season, Megan.  One argument is that she took a spot that someone else could have had and threw it away.  I can understand Cameron being pissed off at her because of it.  On the other hand, maybe Megan saw the writing on the wall before the damage began to be inflicted, and she decided to cut out before she damaged herself any more than she had to.  The jury is out, but I can say this...for abandoning this horrible season, I think Megan inevitably became one of the more INTELLIGENT houseguests this season.  Still, if I were Cameron, I'd probably be pissed.

Like Cameron, Jillian didn't really make much of an impact in the house (though unlike Cameron, she did make it in almost one whole week).  Her undoing had to do with the den of temptation (as well as one other person who I will be talking about a little later).  Jillian was more or less fodder for the games of some of the other players, and I feel that she got a raw deal as well.  Besides, I think the hula dance she did in the opening credits of the show made me kind of like her.

Dominique, the only thing I can say is that you have a big mouth.  The talk show may have been a great idea on paper, but Oprah Winfrey you are not.  In fact, I can't think of anyone else who essentially blabbed their entire plan in the time frame of just a few minutes.  The other houseguests picked up on it, and out the door you went!  At least in this case, I can say that you held the cards to your own fate.

Ah, Ramses...like Cameron and Jillian, you also fell victim to the gameplay of others as a result of the stupid temptation twist.  Or maybe you just fell victim to the fact that you actually tried to fight for your life in the Big Brother house by actively going for the Power of Veto and pissing off the Cult of Abrahamian.  Either way, you were a really nice guy who ended up getting stung way too early.  I'm sorry, man.  You know, this seems to be a recurring theme...the nice ones always seem to go first.

All right, I am grouping Jessica and Cody together for three reasons.  One, they were considered to be the showmance of the season (no matter what "Maven" might suggest otherwise).  Two, they were evicted one right after the other (though Cody won a chance to get back in earlier in the season and is a juror), and three, they were considered public enemy number one and two for the Cult of Abrahamian.  You see, back when Cody was HoH, he tried to get Paul evicted.  Unfortunately, Paul was given a temptation to use, and Jillian was eventually voted out - but as a result of the temptation and the PoV and other twists, Cody ultimately ended up pissing half the house off and made enemies in the process.  Jessica ended up being collateral damage.

Here's the thing.  While Cody will not be winning a congeniality award anytime soon and while Jessica might want to keep her hands to herself (don't ask), I struggle to come up with a valid reason as to why they were constantly bullied by the Cult of Abrahamian so badly.  The abuse that both of them took was so vile and obnoxious that it really spoiled the whole show.  It wasn't as bad as the Aaryn/Candice/GinaMarie battles from Big Brother 15, but it was still mob mentality bullying.  I don't know if their relationship will last past the Big Brother house, but as people...they deserved much better than this.  Heck, I just might want Cody to win America's Favourite Juror so that the other houseguests would react with shock and awe.  It'd serve them right.

When the season first started, I had dismissed Elena as a genuine floater.  She essentially did nothing but cling onto Mark the whole time, and I can't even remember if she had won any competitions at all.  But as the game progressed and she and Mark became the next targets of the Cult of Abrahamian, Elena grew more likeable, and by the time we saw her in the jury house, she was actually a lot more intelligent than I gave her credit for.  She realized that the Cult of Abrahamian played all of them for fools before she was voted out and at least acknowledged that she was played.  So, thanks to Elena for showing me a more pleasant side to her.

(Side note:  The whole jury house segments are more enjoyable than the action inside the Big Brother house.)

Mark, you strike me as a genuinely nice guy.  Unfortunately, nice guys RARELY win Big Brother.  Look at Evel Dick, Rachel Reilly, Andy Herren, and Dr. Will Kirby for proof of that.  I think you lasted longer than I thought you would, and I think had you kept your cool and not tried to go after Josh so many times, I think you would have made it even further - though I have heard that you and Josh patched things up so good on you.  And good luck in everything.  Nice guys like you deserve it.

Matt...what exactly did you do this season other than Raven?  Yep.  Nothing.  Oh, wait.  You ate some cereal.  Yeah, you win the prize for most boring and pointless houseguest ever.  Next.

Jason, I want to like you, but we have to address the elephant in the room.  I don't care if you were joking around or being completely serious.  Rape jokes are not funny and you should be ashamed of yourself for uttering them inside the Big Brother House on the live feeds.  And it's really unfortunate because before that happened, I was really pulling for you.  You had a likeable personality, you played hard and won competitions, and I didn't even mind the Whistle-Nut references.  I think when you leave the house, you owe Kevin an apology for the comments you made, and you also owe one to your family.  Again, rape is not something to joke about.

Oh, now we come to Raven.  A puppet master in her own mind.  Which admittedly is pretty screwed up.  By now, you've probably heard all of the comments about how Raven's family are con artists who suck money from innocent people to fund trips and expensive shopping sprees.  I won't rehash that.  But I find it hard to take someone seriously when they apparently have more diseases than Anna Chlumsky claimed to have in the movie "My Girl".  I mean, if she has gastroparesis, I feel for her because it is a painful condition - but was the other 612 maladies really necessary?  Honestly, Raven...just.  shut.  up.  I don't know what Matt sees in her.

Alex, I'm not 100% impressed with you either.  I get that Paul played both you and Jason - and at least you two recognized the fact after you were voted out.  But I don't understand why all of you listened to Paul and claimed that KEVIN was your biggest threat.  And frankly, some of the stuff you said about Kevin and the other houseguests on the live feeds was not very nice and painted you in a really horrible colour.  My hope is that you take a look at how you came across and learn that you don't have to be so mean in order to get a point across.  I don't think that you or Jason are bad people...I just think that the stress of the house (and the Cult of Abrahamian) got to you.

Kevin, let's talk about the action that you did that MADE ME NOT LIKE YOU FOR A WHILE.  You took the $25,000 temptation that saw Cameron get evicted and Paul back into the Big Brother House.  We could say that YOU were the cause of this season going down the tubes because of that.  But I honestly can't because you turned out to be one of the most charismatic and lovable houseguests this whole season.  I was actually kind of hoping that you would have made the final three so that there could actually be SOMEONE to root for.  But hey, at least you have a shot at winning America's Favourite Juror.  That prize could allow you to buy all the plastic wrap you want! 

But still...you were the one who unwittingly brought Paul back, and for that I admittedly have a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth.  I can't be completely nice here!

So, who do we have left in the house, and what place do I rank them in?

If there IS a Santa Claus out there, my hope is that he does NOT give Christmas the win.  The reason being that Christmas has literally rolled along week to week by doing absolutely nothing.  Okay, so granted, that's not all her fault.  She broke her foot horsing around with Jason and it potentially could have killed her career - and honestly I do feel bad for her in that regard.  But my sympathy well ran dry the moment she and Josh started drinking the Abrahamian Kool-Aid and somehow managed to hobble her way to the final three.  The only HoH competitions she won, she was essentially thrown by the other houseguests.  And as much as she claimed she was making big moves...she was actually nothing more than a ventriloquist elf puppet on Paul's knee.  It makes for not a good candidate to win - and honestly with Christmas' cockiness, I don't even think Corey from BB18 would have anything to do with this Christmas.

Now, if Josh made it to the final two, his best shot would be to take Christmas with him to the finals because I know he would easily beat her.  And if I can say anything positive about Josh, it's that he does have some brains and that he did try to stay in the game by playing hard.  Unfortunately, his extreme loyalty to Paul, his constant crying, his bullying of some of the other houseguests (Mark, Megan, Cody, Jessica) and the stupid clown dance with pots and pans has not only soured me on Josh, but has also soured me on non-stick surfaces, Hawaiian shirts, and circuses.  Josh, you can be a good guy, but you can also be a menace.  You need to find that happy balance and stick with it, you big meatball head!

I actually cringe when I think about what I wrote about Paul last season.  Let's see if I can remember...

It pains me to say this, but this time around the better man did NOT win.  And for that, Paul, I am truly sorry.  Your only crime was the fact that you had a stupid jury who voted for the wrong person - well, okay, Bridgette, Victor, Michelle, and James are exempt from this.  I can't say that I was 100% impressed with you.  Some of the language you used against some of the houseguests was not the greatest, and I truly never want to hear the word "friendship" from you ever again.  But Paul...you played this game better than anyone else, and your adaptability alone was enough to guarantee you a final two position.  Don't be upset at losing...be happy that you made it as far as you did.  And feel free to use that $50,000 you won and go on a nice vacation with Pablo!  You both have earned it.

Suffice to say, I NO LONGER FEEL THIS WAY.  Because much like Nicole was ruined for me last year, Paul is forever tainted in my eyes this season. 

Okay, so let's get it out of the way.  If Paul makes it to the Final Two, I believe he has won the whole thing.  And from a gameplay perspective, I can say that he deserves it.  He played every single person in the house, promised deals to all of them, and somehow managed to make it so that the houseguests would NEVER target him.  Sure enough, he was the ONLY person to never be on the block for elimination up to now.  He did what he could to stay ahead of the game and right now, I think he's done it.

But did he play an HONOURABLE game?  Oh, sweet Jesus...where do I begin?

I cannot condone the fact that he went way to far in trying to get out his targets.  He not only bullied Jessica and Cody until they were both gone, but he encouraged Josh, Matt, Raven, and Christmas to join in the fun as well.  It was absolutely disgusting to see Paul encourage mob mentality bullying.  Not cool.

Also not cool was the fact that production seemingly did everything possible to throw Paul a lifeline at every opportunity.  Giving him weeks of safety, giving him a temptation, etc.  Way too many breaks to be a simple coincidence.  Some may argue that Paul played the best game, but I think he had a little help along the way.

It was also sort of boring to watch Paul get over on all the houseguests all the time.  In fact, I could easily say that with the exception of Cody and Jessica (who were the only ones to see through Paul and try to get him out), everyone else fell for his lies hook, line, and sinker.  These houseguests were made out to be the dumbest, whiniest, meanest people in the whole world.  Yet when they went to the jury house one by one, they became extremely likeable and thoughtful.

Well, okay...Matt and Raven are screwed up people no matter what.  But the point is that had Paul not been brought back, this cast might have gelled a LOT differently and maybe the season wouldn't have been so mean-spirited and dull. 

I think that as good of a game that people believe that Paul played, I really think it wasn't all that great.  It was as if Paul was a gigantic jaguar let loose in a house filled with rats.  And the more that Paul got into their heads, the more Kool-Aid they guzzled down.

But such was life in the Cult of Abrahamian...sucks, don't it?